When you stop to think of the issues or problems in your life realize that most people have similar or even the same issues as you do. Sure there are catastrophes like that passing of a loved that have a much larger impact on your life. However, most of the things you worry about are so common and on the grand scale of things, minuscule.
In my personal experience, I have worried and complained so much about things that later either didn’t matter or became an opportunity. Also, it would make me overlook a lot of amazing things that I already going for me in the search for something better. Those feelings of frustration left little room for any gratitude or joy. It was all about complaining and wanting, wanting.
I wanted to be free from having a job I hated, work on my own business and be my own boss.
I wanted to travel the world as I worked remotely.
I wanted to be more confident, especially in social situations and be more popular.
I wanted attractive women to like me and give me approval.
I also complained and felt of out control for not having those things as well as the confidence and social problems I had. I started as being as an introverted and shy person with social anxiety. I thought people could tell right away and would judge me (they prob had no idea 😛 ).
I would freeze up, would not know what in social situations from networking events, at work or just at parties. I didn’t like small talk or big groups. I wanted to socialize with smaller more intimate groups with similar values and interests to me to make conversations easier.
I thought the solution was getting more money or job success. Perhaps getting a hot girlfriend and being validated in that way. As I began to get some of the things I thought I needed to be validated, “confident” and fulfilled I found myself lost. I still felt unvalidated, had fear of rejection, and had a lot more to lose now.
As I began to live life from within rather than without, the more courageous I became. I started and built a business. Began attracting better partners, connections, friends, and situations. I built not only the right mindset but also I created the right habits & took massive action on my goals.
When I ask my clients and also friends what has had the biggest impact on improving themselves and their lives. They all mention deep introspection, having the right social environment (friends, mentors, coaches & colleagues) to model, and taking massive action in the right directions with empowering habits. It’s that simple.
Do you have productive habits, an uplifting social circle, and or an empowering mindset? Take an honest inventory of your life and note what areas of your life you wish to improve and at what level they are at when it comes to those three things.
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There is no one thing that all successful people have in common.
They don’t all go to a prestigious university (some don’t even go to college).
They’re not all born beautiful, fit or gorgeous.
And they don’t just inherit a ton of money right away.
They all have rock bottom moments. Perhaps, similar to what you are going through right now or in the past. It’s that time when everything seems to be falling apart, maybe the creditors are calling, money doesn’t seem to be coming, or you are feeling lonely and your dating life has not been working out.
Whatever the issue, at this moment you are faced with two decisions. Either collapse under pressure or step up to the plate and use this hopeless moment as a springboard to the next level. You will either choose to rise or fall further and avoid taking responsibility.
The fallers will continue to fall and avoid problems. They will find it harder and harder to get out of bed. Continue to make excuses and attract more negative situations. They cling to their stories why they can’t come up with a solution to their issues overlooking that their biggest problem is the negativity and limiting story.
What about the other group of people that rise to the challenge or rather an opportunity?
They may face the same problems however, they are solution and opportunity oriented. They find people who have figured things out, they get the expert advice…they start back up from the bottom, swallow their pride and if need be work from again the bottom up in order to achieve their dreams & create an impact in the world.
It’s about taking one small step at a time. This group is not necessarily happier especially in this situation but they don’t get crippled by uncertainty or these issues. It’s ok to be mad, sad and have these emotions but, keep moving forward.
If you are there right now I feel you…I’ve been there and I know that those moments will continue to arise in my life so I will continue to rise to meet those opportunities for growth. The point is to keep moving forward and elevating your energy and thoughts, your actions and habits.
It’s all about elevating your vibration and vibe. Go after whatever makes you happy especially if it scares you. Stop suffering in a steady, secure yet unfulfilling life. If you’ve taken a leap of faith then keep going and trust yourself, the process, as well as the type of impact you wish to have on the world, is worth it.
Know that every single one of the people you admire has used these times of desperation to ignited their fire and rise up.
If you are at such a low point in your dating, social or any part of your life, keep learning, keep improving yourself to attract the perfect partner. Trust me if you take on a perspective of seeing challenges as opportunities and learning you will get through and come out as an even greater person.
Decide if the situation you are in will make or break you, right now. Take the leap and begin taking massive action towards your dreams and goals!
Like the idea that the world is flat, there are many common beliefs that, with the passing of time, are proven false or become obsolete. One such belief is that you have little impact on or responsibility for your life. There is a predominant sense that external forces are stronger than your own, or that outside events have more impact on your well-being than your energy and mindset.
That is, of course, false. As a society, we moved past the idea that the world was flat. We need to now move beyond the idea that energy is a foreign concept, or that it’s too woo woo, to be taken seriously. Energy is real and it permeates everything. Your energy introduces you to people, life, and situations before you utter a word. Not only does energy introduce you to people but it is actually your ambassador, it gets to a place prior to you physically arriving there.
Your energy affects your day to day experiences and your quality of life overall. From personal experience, I can assure you that how you focus your energy can utterly change your life. When I was in my late teens. I had a deep depression due to my family going through personal, legal and financial issues. The depression was so bad that my college grades went down the drain (I failed most of my classes), and I couldn’t talk to a woman because of the fear of being rejected. I knew it would crush me. Likely I wouldn’t recover for weeks or even months at the low point where I was.
When we experience pain and depression such as this, we automatically turn towards the quick fix without considering the deeper cuts and bruises that need our attention.
Thinking back I can see that I was narrowed focused on how my depression was affecting my social, and dating life, and confidence. I overlooked the self-loathing I felt and bypassed childhood issues that I had not dealt with. As I’m coaching people in their dating and social lives, I see that the real change comes from helping people release old traumas and begin the process of self-healing. I’m extremely excited to give people the space to be self-aware and begin to heal and to love themselves fully and unconditionally.
Soooooooooooooooooo be an ambassador of great energy. Check out the video below for more on this!
How do you change your energy? Change the story you tell yourself and you change your energy. Like Carl Greer notes in his book “Change Your Story, Change Your Life,” the vibe that you put out is mostly subconscious and comes from your self-talk or story. So, you must imprint your subconscious with the new story. The most common way is through affirmations or incantations and visualization with repetition. There are other ways as well, such as hypnosis or my personal favorite lucid dreaming. These work directly with the subconscious. More on that at a later time!.
Next time you’re going out take a few minutes to calm your mind. Visualize exactly how you’d like events to happen. As you may already know, the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is imagined and what is “actually” happening. Maybe you visualize men or women being receptive to you, approaching you, chatting with you, etc. Take a deep breath and let it go. Now focus on, having fun and go out with the intention of adding to other people’s days or nights. Focus on, inspiring them to have a good time.
Why change your story? You have the responsibility and the power not only to create your ideal life and self but also, to impact the world and people around you in the most positive way. Fill your cup so you can fill up others and be the best version of yourself!
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Self-deception & congruency – In my experience a lot of the issues in life, interpersonal communication and relationships boil down to congruency. I think most people on this call would agree that at least over half of the time when we say or do something, it isn’t what we are really thinking, and/or our actions aren’t really reflecting how we’re truly feeling. This causes our communication and actions to be extremely ineffective and even counter-productive.
For example, why is it that many times when you’re trying to be nice to someone it backfires?
Why is it that when you’re trying to be confident and even charming, people might still shun you or even put you down? The answer again is because you’re not being congruent and people, just like animals, can sense it.
This issue of congruency extends all the way to the communication you are having with life as well. Often we try new endeavors half-heartedly and wonder why we failed. Well, we we’re never fully congruent and committed to them. Life responds to a person’s lack of congruency just as any person would.
I know a lot of people who often DO NOT say the right things, my brother is one of them. He many times do things that most people would just gasp at and wonder how he can get away with. However, he is 100% congruent with who he is and what he says and does so everything works for him. There are a ton of people who do not do or say the right things but have massive success in their dating, business and overall lives. Of course our internal states and most of how we operate come from childhood experiences and agreements we’ve made with ourselves about ourselves and others.
Now, how do you become congruent? First, you must realize the biggest problem that people have – which is our amazing ability at self-deception. Very often we say sorry or thank you and many other things that seem right but we don’t really mean. No wonder why a lot of the time these acts are met with a lot of resistance from people. You might say I’m sorry to your partner, friend or anyone but they’ll sense the reason why you’re doing it and if it’s a negative one they’ll keep resenting you. So, here is the goal and understanding I’d like you to get. First, realize that a lot of the time you’re deceiving yourself and that trying to mask your true feelings and thoughts through your actions doesn’t work. Second, there is a way to become not only congruent in who you are but bring out the best, most confident self at ALL TIMES.
Start by cultivating a strong vision for who you wish to be and how you see your life. That’s self-mastery in practice daily. Of course it’s also making the unconscious issues conscious so they can get resolved. It takes constant daily practice to focus your vision for your ideal self. How would you act? Feel it down to every detail, body language etc. Visualize your ideal day, what you would do in the morning, afternoon and night, with who and where and then simply focus on appreciating your current life, loving yourself and others in whatever is now.
Empowering emotions to take action – For most of us taking action comes hard, especially with the things we’re “supposed” to do that would create the life we want. Many of the excuses come in the form of fearful thoughts and emotions. Such as “what if this doesn’t work?”, “what if I look like a fool doing it?” and many others.
So, you might be asking yourself, what’s the key that differentiates someone who constantly takes action. Regardless of the fears and doubts. It is easy to impose some supernatural traits to the people who are constantly moving forward. Making things happen. The truth is, it all comes down to habits. Both internal and external ones. One important habit that will propel you forward is reframing. The focus here being reframing your emotions.
It is very important that you relax into your discomfort when it comes to change, the unknown and anything that creates the emotion of fear or stress. Also, it is fundamental that you not only relax into these emotions but use them to empower you. How? Change your perspective about them.
Instead of the usual story you tell yourself about fear, stress and how overwhelmed you feel – tell yourself a different story that empowers you. It could be something like “I’m always moving forward and using all my challenges as opportunities. I love challenging my potential every day by taking action towards my goals as my fear turns to excitement and my doubt to confidence. I love it!” Basically, these emotions that you experience are just chemical reactions in your body; they are not fear, doubt or anger etc. You have just been taught to label them this way. This very moment is the time to choose to label your emotions another way and adapt an empowering perspective that moves you into action. You can change the way you see anger and so many other emotions that have been destructive to you in your past, in order to bring peace into it. Anger can for example be a teacher to help you learn tolerance and acceptance. Again, it is up to you how you choose the meaning of your emotions but make sure they’re bringing happiness, love and success into your life!
Interview with Sandro Dhonre – founder of People Magnet
Sandro is a lifestyle coach based in Holland. He specializes in body language and teaching men and women how to access and bring out their inner charisma. He has trained sales people to become more likeable and is currently working on a project to teach Hollywood actors/actresses how to project themselves.
Some of the topics covered:
* Practical body language
* How posture affects testosterone and confidence
* Integrity in relationships
* Needy vs non-needy behavior
and more…
If you want to get in touch with Sandro you can email him on
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