Self-deception & congruency – In my experience a lot of the issues in life, interpersonal communication and relationships boil down to congruency. I think most people on this call would agree that at least over half of the time when we say or do something, it isn’t what we are really thinking, and/or our actions aren’t really reflecting how we’re truly feeling. This causes our communication and actions to be extremely ineffective and even counter-productive.
For example, why is it that many times when you’re trying to be nice to someone it backfires?
Why is it that when you’re trying to be confident and even charming, people might still shun you or even put you down? The answer again is because you’re not being congruent and people, just like animals, can sense it.
This issue of congruency extends all the way to the communication you are having with life as well. Often we try new endeavors half-heartedly and wonder why we failed. Well, we we’re never fully congruent and committed to them. Life responds to a person’s lack of congruency just as any person would.
I know a lot of people who often DO NOT say the right things, my brother is one of them. He many times do things that most people would just gasp at and wonder how he can get away with. However, he is 100% congruent with who he is and what he says and does so everything works for him. There are a ton of people who do not do or say the right things but have massive success in their dating, business and overall lives. Of course our internal states and most of how we operate come from childhood experiences and agreements we’ve made with ourselves about ourselves and others.
Now, how do you become congruent? First, you must realize the biggest problem that people have – which is our amazing ability at self-deception. Very often we say sorry or thank you and many other things that seem right but we don’t really mean. No wonder why a lot of the time these acts are met with a lot of resistance from people. You might say I’m sorry to your partner, friend or anyone but they’ll sense the reason why you’re doing it and if it’s a negative one they’ll keep resenting you. So, here is the goal and understanding I’d like you to get. First, realize that a lot of the time you’re deceiving yourself and that trying to mask your true feelings and thoughts through your actions doesn’t work. Second, there is a way to become not only congruent in who you are but bring out the best, most confident self at ALL TIMES.
Start by cultivating a strong vision for who you wish to be and how you see your life. That’s self-mastery in practice daily. Of course it’s also making the unconscious issues conscious so they can get resolved. It takes constant daily practice to focus your vision for your ideal self. How would you act? Feel it down to every detail, body language etc. Visualize your ideal day, what you would do in the morning, afternoon and night, with who and where and then simply focus on appreciating your current life, loving yourself and others in whatever is now.
Empowering emotions to take action – For most of us taking action comes hard, especially with the things we’re “supposed” to do that would create the life we want. Many of the excuses come in the form of fearful thoughts and emotions. Such as “what if this doesn’t work?”, “what if I look like a fool doing it?” and many others.
So, you might be asking yourself, what’s the key that differentiates someone who constantly takes action. Regardless of the fears and doubts. It is easy to impose some supernatural traits to the people who are constantly moving forward. Making things happen. The truth is, it all comes down to habits. Both internal and external ones. One important habit that will propel you forward is reframing. The focus here being reframing your emotions.
It is very important that you relax into your discomfort when it comes to change, the unknown and anything that creates the emotion of fear or stress. Also, it is fundamental that you not only relax into these emotions but use them to empower you. How? Change your perspective about them.
Instead of the usual story you tell yourself about fear, stress and how overwhelmed you feel – tell yourself a different story that empowers you. It could be something like “I’m always moving forward and using all my challenges as opportunities. I love challenging my potential every day by taking action towards my goals as my fear turns to excitement and my doubt to confidence. I love it!” Basically, these emotions that you experience are just chemical reactions in your body; they are not fear, doubt or anger etc. You have just been taught to label them this way. This very moment is the time to choose to label your emotions another way and adapt an empowering perspective that moves you into action. You can change the way you see anger and so many other emotions that have been destructive to you in your past, in order to bring peace into it. Anger can for example be a teacher to help you learn tolerance and acceptance. Again, it is up to you how you choose the meaning of your emotions but make sure they’re bringing happiness, love and success into your life!
Interview with Sandro Dhonre – founder of People Magnet
Sandro is a lifestyle coach based in Holland. He specializes in body language and teaching men and women how to access and bring out their inner charisma. He has trained sales people to become more likeable and is currently working on a project to teach Hollywood actors/actresses how to project themselves.
Some of the topics covered:
* Practical body language
* How posture affects testosterone and confidence
* Integrity in relationships
* Needy vs non-needy behavior
If you want to get in touch with Sandro you can email him on
7 keys to happiness – Why is happiness important? It dictates the quality of your life and how successful you are in your endeavors. Science also proves that those who are happier live longer, are healthier and even smarter. Not that I need to convince you but bottom line is that there is no down side to being happy and it is worth making a habit out of it.
Happiness is the all illusive and ever transforming force that drives people’s lives. It is the essence of who we are and what we do. Through the years of development a person looses sight of their true essence and develops layers of expectations, ideas and concepts of what happiness is. They define it as having something maybe material or a person, associate it with situations like being praised or admired, and even decide whether they deserve it or not at a very early age.
The truth is that happiness is who you are. Since it is who you are searching for it only leaves you lost and confused. A confusion that has probably brought you to read this. Perhaps you have gotten a lot of the things people said would make you happy but they didn’t, or you feel frustrated because the things you most want you don’t currently have. Whatever the situation may be, the end result is the same. Misery. Misery that has risen from a false idea of what happiness is. Just so you remember it from this point on I’ll say it one more time, HAPPINESS IS YOU.
Now, you might not know how you got conditioned to be unhappy, or to not be YOU, but the good news is that I will go over some ways how to be yourself again. Here are 7 keys to bringing happiness back in to your life:
[dropcap3]1[/dropcap3] Surround yourself with happy and positive people. People who vibrate with life, who love who they are, what they do and truly love you. It is the number one thing you can do, because they will naturally bring out who you truly are and help you shine along with them. They are people who love to help and give, because they are abundant so it’s easy to connect with them.
You might already have friends, family or other people in your life who are like this, and if so, spend more time with them. If you don’t have these types of people in your life, make new friends, make an effort to meet and connect with new people who have the qualities you wish to embody.
[dropcap3]2[/dropcap3] Get out of your head and be present. Since being present is fundamentally who you are it brings forth a sense of peace and happiness. Take moments out of your day to take deep breaths, meditation is always a great practice, focus on feeling your body from head to toe. Also bring your full attention to your actions. If you’re walking, focus on how your feet feel. Feel all the movements that you make in every action. This is not limited to walking etc. but can be applied to any daily activity.
[dropcap3]3[/dropcap3] Love yourself for who you are unconditionally. Now, this may seem very straightforward but many times it takes courage to completely admit how you feel about yourself. Again, as part of our development in our life we take upon the belief that we are not enough, not worthy or deserving, and feel at conscious or unconscious level that there is something wrong with us. That is all BS, you are more wonderful than you can ever imagine. I can tell you this all day and night, your friends and family could as well, but it would NEVER be enough to convince you otherwise. You hold the key to your own destiny. As Gandhi put it so well, “your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, and your values become your destiny.”
[dropcap3]4[/dropcap3] Passion and purpose. It is crucial in your self-development and “pursuit” of happiness to find what your true passion is. Ask yourself: what would I do for years without getting paid? What do I excel at that most don’t? And how can I contribute most to society through this talent?
Most people knew what their purpose was as a child. Perhaps, not consciously or labeled as purpose and passion but it was there. Looking back to what you loved as a child can open you up to what your true purpose is and help you answer the questions above. Until you find your passion at the very least do one thing you enjoy every day.
[dropcap3]5[/dropcap3] Reframe everything into positive. A great skill practiced by all those who are successful is seeing everything in an empowering perspective. This aspect can be used to change a negative self-image, turn problems into opportunities and create more harmony and stability in a person’s life. For example, if you don’t like something about yourself whether physical or personality, then simply tell yourself that this thing is one of the greatest things about you. “Having my body type is the sexiest thing ever!” You can also use this way of living to change all your problems and difficulties into opportunities that constantly take you to the next level. That could be your belief at all times.
[dropcap3]6[/dropcap3] Smile and laugh more, it lightens your mood. This is pretty simple and straight forward. However, if you’d like a more complicated explanation of how this works here it is.
Endomorphins or “feel good” chemicals are released in your brain to make you feel happy. While this chemical is released the stress hormone called cortisol is reduced in your brain. Laughing also helps you breathe better and stimulates homeostasis by bringing more oxygen into your body. The other thing is that smiling and laughing puts others in a good mood (emotions are contagious), and increase the positive reactions from people which in turn heightens your mood even more.
[dropcap3]7[/dropcap3] Change your intentions from always trying to get from others to giving to others WITHOUT expectations. This doesn’t necessarily mean to give away your money and possessions. What it means is to be giving in your interactions. Make your purpose to leave a person happier than how you found them or at least put a smile on their face or make them laugh.
It could also mean donating to charity or something you believe in, or volunteering for something you are passionate about. There are plenty of opportunities to give and what you’ll find is that your life becomes more abundant, more joyful and full of love.
Life & Business Coach – Interview with Annijamila –
Annijamila is a life and business coach & speaker based in New York. She brings a very unique perspective to the area of success and her goal is to inspire and motivate as many people as possible around the world to upgrade their lives through coaching, lectures, retreats, workshops, tv interviews, events, books, music, meditations & spiritual guidance. Her background ranges from working in the fashion industry, to television and more recently in Wallstreet.
In this interview you’ll learn:
* The power of listening and empathy
* How to avoid waiting for your goals, push your comfort zone and take charge of your life even if you have no background within the areas of your goals
* The secret to building courage and confidence in your life
* How to stop taking things personally and take yourself less seriously
* The one thing that all successful people have in common
* How to realize your negative patterns in relationships, how to let those patterns go and attract the right man or woman
* How to improve your relationship with and attract more money
If you want to learn more about Annijamila you can reach her on email or facebook:
Daniel Haegele from TurnToExperts interviews Felipe. Some of what’s discussed:
How to have unstoppable confidence
How to create your reality from within
Get an unshakable Belief in yourself with the “Bubble Technique”
How to be sexual with women within a few minutes
How be sexually confident around every person you meet
If you want to learn more about what Daniel is up to you can find him here:
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