Everyone’s connected but no one is CONNECTING. We are too easily distracted. No matter what social environment we allow ourselves to get interrupted ALL THE TIME. Try to think of the last few times you spent time with someone who didn’t get a phone call, text or facebook message that he or she immediately “had” to respond to. Pretty rare, aren’t they?
Any attempts at multitasking are very poor time management, but when we’re talking human interactions there are other problems involved as well. It takes time to set up the rapport that allows for a deeper exchange with another person, and every time we get interrupted we have to start over FROM SCRATCH. With the frequency people keep getting distracted there are many who NEVER get to establish and experience any meaningful connection at all. And we wonder why we’re depressed, lonely and never feeling REALLY good (though that’s the point)…
Technology aside we often distract ourselves by being in our heads instead of being present in the conversation we’re having. I’m sure you’ve noticed this in some people, who are never actually “there” when you’re interacting with them. Same problem.
In a deeper perspective, even though we are all already connected it’s rare for two people to truly meet each other. As we move through life we usually don’t register much details about our environment – we draw the details from our stored memory as needed. The implication of this is that we notice just enough details about a person, object or situation so that the mind can fill in the rest, with information from our PAST, that doesn’t even exist.
As an experiment, try being TRULY present the next time you’re spending time with someone. Let go of any preconceived notions and opinions, ignore your phone, don’t let your mind drift aimlessly, be THERE! I guarantee you will feel better, have a much bigger impact, and you might even inspire the person(s) you’re with to do the same.
In the present there is only the present, and you’ll never develop any significant personal power, charisma and influence if you’re not even there.
Belief is the psychological state in which an individual holds a proposition or premise to be true.
(c. ^ Schwitzgebel, Eric (2006), “Belief”, in Zalta, Edward, The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Stanford, CA: The Metaphysics Research Lab, retrieved 2008-09-19)
You believe something when you take a concept, a proposition as truth. Truth is a very individual concept. Think about something that you see as true without a doubt. Now why is what you are thinking true? Because you saw it, experienced it? Because then it is real?
“If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” Think again! Why is something true and why not? It is a DECISION. You decide if you believe something or not. You decide if it is true or not. That’s it.
You also decide if the opposite is false. If you think something is true then the opposite of this truth must be false. For example, if you think that all rich people are evil you discard everything that is contrary to this belief. The opposite – that all rich people are good people – becomes false.
Now, after making this decision you automatically begin to collect evidence for that particular belief. You start bending situations, filter information and tune your senses according to your beliefs. If you hold the truth that all rich people are evil, even when you meet a rich person who is a charitable, giving person you probably focus on the negative character traits of this person or you find another way to discard the objective fact that this person also has positive good qualities.
So imagine this: When you get programmed by society with beliefs that are not serving you but instead keep you under control and make you a good consumer, how on earth can you be successful and follow your dream? You are collecting any evidence you can find to hold on to those beliefs and every day you are exposed to words and images that cement this programming into your brain.
You discard every possibility that those beliefs are false because most of the time you’re not even aware of them, let alone this process of social brainwashing. You are asleep, a working drone, programmed to do nothing else than consume and be a good sheep in the masses. Interestingly enough basically every innovation was criticized at first, and the people who came up with new concepts and inventions were called crazy. I call them awake. They were the only ones that were living and not sleep walking.
Beliefs are very powerful. If you are following the self development world you probably heard a lot about changing beliefs and affirmations & visualizations. And as a matter of fact, it works. Affirmations work, no doubt about that because you are already using them. Affirmations in that sense are statements about yourself that you believe are true. For example, if you think you are a clumsy person, it is an affirmation. You hold this image of yourself as the absolute truth and even when you do things in a very elegant way you reject this evidence as false.
But often affirmations don’t work the way they’re taught in most of the self-help books out there. So why is that? You’ve been told to do affirmations like this: Stand in front of the mirror and say something like: I am successful etc. Now this could change your results and self image for a certain period of time BUT it will not be effortless and long term.
Why not? Because you have certain CORE beliefs that contradict those affirmations. For example, a core belief could be that all rich people are bad people.
Now if you want to be financially successful and you affirm to yourself that you have loads of money, in the back of your mind you are sabotaging yourself because you would then become a bad person. Your concept of the world is holding you back and destroying the chance of a lasting change. I figured out a three step process of changing your core beliefs. It can be very challenging because you have to challenge your ingrained world views, your understanding of reality and yourself. So if you are not ready for this I would suggest you stop reading now, because it can be a very challenging process and you have to be brutally honest with yourself.
Good! Let’s get started!
Identifying your Core Beliefs
The process is very easy and simple just like most things that work in life.
Now sit back and answer the following questions:
What part of your life is not working?
What do you belief about …?
For example: What do you belief about money?
Now be honest and write EVERYTHING that comes to your mind!
Now start with the first sentence you wrote down and ask yourself:
Why do you belief that?
Write your answer down! Then again ask yourself the question about the answer.
Why do you belief that?
Continue this process until you can’t find an answer anymore. The answer will probably be: Because I heard it in the media/learned it from my parents/because someone told me that!
Congratulations! Now you have your Core Belief.
I will go on to step 2 but I will show you in a later example how this process works in detail!
This is a step only a few people talk about but which is very crucial. You have to DOUBT your Core Beliefs first before you install a new one. Imagine you learned about affirmations and tried to change your belief about “the earth is flat”. Now until you absolutely believe that this statement is false you will never adopt the new belief “the earth is spherical”.
You have to change the way you look at things, you have to change your PARADIGM of thinking! Now I have some questions for you that will help you doubt your Paradigms/Core Beliefs about the world:
Is the Statement 100% true?
If it’s true, is this statement helpful?
What is this statement in service of?
How might my life be different if I didn’t hold on to this statement?
Write the answers to those questions down!
Now let’s go step deeper. In the previous chapters I talked a lot about the matrix so now ask yourself the following questions:
Why does someone want you to believe that?
Who is benefiting from you believing that?
When the answer is NOT YOU then you have a very problematic worldview. Let’s take the belief from above: “All rich people are bad people”. This doesn’t serve you at all. It helps installing an aversion against wealth and wealthy people. That way your behavior becomes predictable. You probably never will try to get very wealthy. You will keep complaining about the rich people and you will be a worker bee all your life.
On top of that you have other core beliefs that contradict with this one. For example: “Money makes people happy”. Now you got to conflicting beliefs that keep you drawn and averted towards wealth and money and keep you stuck, under control and predictable. This realization helps you to drop the belief instantly. You can see its falsehood and finally you can see the matrix and how it controls you. When you finally see how society constructed our world for us you can drop your illusions and stop looking at the dancing shadows. You are aware now and can start building your own truths and your own worldview that is not intended to control you.
Now you can change those Paradigms and here is how:
You identified your core beliefs and saw the falsehood of them. Now it is time to change them. You can do two things here:
Write down the opposite of the false core belief
Or write down a more useful belief
For example: “All rich people are evil”
Opposite: “All rich people are good and giving persons”
More useful: “Money enhances your unique personality”
I personally prefer the opposite but this is up to you!
Write down every negative/false core belief you have on a piece of paper and write down the reason why society wants you to belief that right next to it. I recommend you start with one area of your life and stick with that for 30 days. Now write down your empowering core belief on another paper!
Now you have to form a habit! EVERY DAY when you wake up and right before you go to bed you takes out the two sheets in front of the mirror. You start with the negative belief list and realize the falsehood of those beliefs and now you start telling yourself out LOUD:
The truth is….
Your empowering beliefs!
“All rich people are bad people”
Keeps you under control, predictable, a good consumer
The truth is: “All rich people are good people and help other people”
Now can you see how you are destroying your old negative programming and installing a new empowering one at the same time?
I hope so! The key is to do this consistently! You have to do this EVERY DAY! You have to convince yourself that the new Paradigm is the absolute truth and when you do I guarantee your world changes.
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer
Hope that helps!
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Being anxious or scared of how people are going to react to what we say, do, how we act and who we are would be more justified if we actually knew the reason behind their reaction. Usually we don’t. Most of the time we have NO IDEA.
People have tons of shit going on in their life that has nothing to with us. Usually they also struggle with the same or worse social issues and prejudice as we do.
THEY might actually be nervous, shy, stressed or angry. Maybe they had a horrible day, got their car stolen, had family drama or got into a fight with their boss or a colleague. Maybe someone close to them got ill or passed away recently. Maybe they’re just introverted, or feel awkward because they haven’t showered in two days.
My point is, there is NO WAY to know any of this unless you can read minds (if you can, please email me immediately for strategic business opportunities). Keep this in mind, especially when meeting new people. They don’t know you so how could they be mad at you? 99% of the time there is something else involved if you get a ”bad” reaction from someone you just met.
I want you to drop your old programming and be open for a new way to look at it. How about this, bad reactions or ”rejections” are GREAT! They’re a fantastic opportunity for growth! Here’s why:
1. Every ”rejection” gives you the chance to examine the interaction, if you did or didn’t something you shouldn’t do and LEARN FROM IT.
2. You get to practice not caring how others react and what they think about you, which is invaluable. Thicker skin rarely hurts, be grateful for every opportunity. Note that this also applies to ”positive” reactions. Stay neutral.
3. The truth is that social skills are developed like any other skill, by training. You probably didn’t do it perfect the first time you tried riding a bike, or a horse. This is the same. In fact, you WILL have to go through several ”rejections” before getting to where you want to be. How many depends on your resistance to what we tell you and how fast you learn and implement the concepts.
Let me ask you this, if I held a gun to your head and told you to start a conversation with a group of strangers, would you do it? You would probably do WHATEVER IT TAKES to not freeze up, to feel the fear but do it anyway. So get out there and get it over with so you can move on with your life.
Remember, socializing is just a tool, a vehicle that will get you from A to B. If you want a Lamborghini you don’t just take the chassi and put it on a horse wagon and expect it to work. More on this soon, for now just invest in yourself, view it like a hobby or a scientific experiment or whatever it takes for you to take action and grow so you can lead the life you deserve! Not tomorrow, NOW!
Many of us say that we want more freedom in life. Instead we choose familiarity and predictability almost every time.
Fear of letting go of the illusion of control, fear of living NOW and not knowing the future.
The fact is that you will only be in control of your life once you take full responsibility for everything that happens, and stop letting anything outside yourself affect you or dictate your actions. Until then you are being controlled and easily manipulated.
True freedom and acceptance is our natural state. Attachment to trying to control an illusory future is a waste of time that creates stress and suffering in return for a meager existence on the hamster wheel going NOWHERE.
Life is meant to be simple. It is meant to be enjoyed and LIVED, not endured. You have a choice and you can choose now. Choose freedom. Choose to feel alive, choose to feel fantastic every moment of every day. Dare to let go of everything that doesn’t serve you and LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF starting TODAY!
For most people, at the end of the day life just boils down to being happy.
It’s an old cliché but so true; other people, relationships, material things, experiences, anything external can not and will never bring happiness, peace or fulfillment. We see the classic ”I’ll be happy once I get/have/do x” everywhere but it’s a delusion. Once we have what we thought we wanted we move on to the next thing we’ve been told to aquire. There will always be something new, it never ends and we can waste our whole lives wanting and suffering.
The truth is, you’re either happy or you’re not and you decide yourself. The moment you stop depending on outside circumstances and decide to just be happy regardless everything will change. You are then free to enjoy things from a completely new place without attachment or expectations, which will greatly enhance all your experiences in life.
It’s really simple. If you aren’t happy alone you will NEVER be happy with someone else. There is nothing to get, or become. Just BE happy and you will attract other people who are also happy and fulfilled by themselves, regardless of whether or not the two of you ever meet. This is the foundation for truly fantastic relationships with people and with yourself.
It’s a fact that you cannot give to others what you don’t have. This also implies that if you decide to give happiness away and make someone’s day without expecting anything in return, you are already happy. Food for thought. Have a great week, try it and let me know what happens!
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