If you’ve always wanted to learn how to start conversations with strangers you’ve come to the right article!
There are three ways or approaches I use when starting a conversation with strangers. The first one is by asking a question about something that I’m curious about with a person or group. The second one is finding things that are funny to me in my suroundings that I can joke about or be sarcastic with the person I’m about to speak to. The third one is always be on the lookout on how I can be of service or assistance. For example, if a group or a person looks lost I may offer directions or ask how I can help. That’s it! It’s that easy 🙂
Is Denver really the worst city for dating and finding love? Colorado may be beautiful, but some say it sucks for dating and finding love.
According to the great love debate in Denver, men are too passive, have low confidence, style, communication, and enthusiasm. I decided to interview strangers on their experience of dating and socializing in Denver!
Check out the video below to see the interviews and a bit about the show. To find out more about The Great love Debate show and podcast check out their site below: https://www.greatlovedebate.com
Wish to improve your confidence? Click on the link below to find out more about the course.
Single’s biggest regret in life for people is not having the courage to live a life true to themselves, rather than the life that others expect from them. Because of the intention of pleasing everyone, having self – image has forgotten. A self – image has a great part in your journey to achieving what you want.
I want to share with you an idea that recently has become of utmost importance to me. An idea that according to Dr. Maxwell Maltz, is the greatest psychological discovery of this generation is self – image.
What is Self-Image?
We all have an image of ourselves. We may see our reflection in the mirror, but that is only our physical identity. Your self-image is all about the mental image or the concept you have about yourself. That image or concept sometimes comes from personal experiences, perceived judgments, failures, success, feelings and so on. The image is always dependent upon perspective. Without an objective standard by which to measure yourselves, your self-image will be blurred.
Currently, you may be seeking significance, love, a sense of meaning, purpose, and success in your career, business or success in a relationship. The most important thing you can do at the moment is to create an ideal self – image based on truth and based on your dream or goals. A positive self-image can boost your physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Here’s why a positive self – image is important :
1. You don’t need anyone’s approval.
It is a shortcut to finding fulfillment, love, and joy in your life. You tend to seek these emotions from other people like having a significant other, material success and experiences. You generally seek it because you haven’t accepted or loved yourselves for who you are. You don’t need to be perfect for you to love yourself you are still a work in progress. As you embody this self – image everything you do in life will be infused with love and joy. So, rather than trying or expecting of getting approval from people, encourage or help them boost their self – image.
2. You are more determined.
Your self – image not only gives you the emotions you seek on the outside, but it also increases your chances or abilities to achieve your goals in every area of your life. Your self-image is the thermometer for your life and your success. Adopt an image that is worthy of your goal in pursuing it. When you have a high self – image, you believe in your ability. Therefore you are more determined to succeed. You know you will have to work harder and more committed because you believe you can do it.
3. You don’t feel the need to be perfect.
Most of the time you don’t take action because you don’t feel worthy of having it. For example, if you have an image of yourself that only allows you to make a certain amount of money then when you reach a higher amount you will become uncomfortable because it doesn’t fit your self – image in mind. The same goes for losing weight, If you are an overweight person, you will be thinking any weight loss will only be temporary. If you wait for perfection before you take action, you will never start. Strive to be the best version of yourself.
And there you have it, the shortcut to feeling loved, significance, fulfillment and increasing your limits of success is your self – image. How do you do it? Through meditation, affirmations, and visualization, picturing yourself and your life exactly as you want it to be. It takes discipline.
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What is loneliness? Loneliness is the unhappiness that is felt by someone, or unpleasant emotional response to isolation. There is research that says, those who spend the most time on social media have a higher rate of loneliness or depression compared to those who spent the least time. Because of what you see on social media you tend to mirror it or make it as the standard of the life that you should have which moves you to ignore and not realizing the true treasure which is love that you already have from your family, friends, etc.
A recent study by YouGov reveals that men are much more likely to lead a more solitary life than women, with fewer friends they call close or best friends. Part of this has to do with facing their vulnerability alone. A drink at a bar for example for men with friends likely won’t lead to a heart to heart conversation. Being competitive is okay but don’t compare your achievements because it creates a barrier in connecting to others, know that each one of you has the right time in achieving your goals.
Another aspect that causes loneliness is that you are not in the habit of recognizing the love you already have in your lives. As they say, you don’t know what you already have until you lose it, why? because your mind rules your lives and you don’t notice the connections you share with those closest to you, connections you need to appreciate. That includes the love from your kids, your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers and so on. Even when you are in a relationship, sometimes you still feel lonely because you forgot to appreciate the blessing that you have or you’re still trying to find something better. Make it a habit to notice and appreciate the affection that is already there that you tend to overlook.
Consider these suggestions to overcome loneliness :
1. Learn to let go of past hurts.
When you feel lonely, it’s because a memory has triggered that feeling. It may be your pain in the past that is unhealed. Prefer to let go about the past and something that cannot be changed. Making that decision of letting it go also means that you are accepting the choice to let it go. This is empowering knowing that it is your choice to hold on to the pain or to have a future life without it.
2. Make gratitude a constant practice.
This is a powerful emotion that can make your life better in so many ways. It is difficult to be lonely when you are full of gratitude. Just like material abundance, not only you will feel loved when you are grateful for people, but that’s also the way you can attract the right things into your life. Let gratitude be a part of your every day.
3. Connect in real life.
Connecting in real life may not be the norm nowadays. With social media, Netflix, or our phones taking a lot of your time and attention makes you physically disconnected to others. Engaging in face-to-face social interaction helps improve our mood and reduces feelings of loneliness. Limit yourself from social media and prioritize in-person interaction and connection.
4. Reach out for support.
Be courageous and open up to those closest to you. Getting support gives you a different outlook that can help you put things in their rightful place. When you decided to reach out for support, be honest even if it’s uncomfortable to express how you’re feeling.
Every time you feel lonely, remember that you are not alone and that somebody there are most willing to talk and listen to you. Life is short to be consumed on suffering from loneliness. Heal the wounds caused by your past. Learn to love and accept yourself. Think of your blessings and the people who truly care for you.
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Are you still thinking about what to say to start a conversation, or how you can keep a conversation going, and even having that confidence to be more social? The generation that we have right now, will pressure you to be social to be able to gain friends, learn new things or simply because you don’t want to be left behind.
Here is some strategy I can commend in using visualization to be more social :
1. Visualize your actions and visualize them being successful.
You may have that goal of talking successfully to 3, 5 or 10 new people per day but you end up failing. Don’t force yourself to be social, let it happen by having the right mindset of thinking success on it. See yourself greeting people, starting conversations and having them smiling and laughing with you. Visualize those actions, this will train your mind to be it and eventually you will see that goal happening.
2. Visualize success in specific situations or places where you wish to be social.
Focus on visualizing success in your daily activities, for example, you go to the gym daily, a coffee shop, work, or events. See yourself as the person who knows everyone and who talks or approaches people to brighten their day. Look at yourself the way you wanted people to see you, for them to do the same.
3. Visualize the specific types of people specially the one that intimidates you.
Conquer your biggest fear of being social. Be specific with the people you are most afraid to talk to. If you have that fear of talking to attractive, high status, wealthy people or to anyone, then visualize yourself speaking to them and see them liking and loving your presence. The more you visualize it, the more you will become comfortable. The mind can’t distinguish between what’s real or imagined, so it means that what you imagined to be happening is actually happening.
4. Visualize the kind of people in specific situations or places approaching you.
See yourself as a celebrity and owner of every place because everyone just loves hanging out with you, having coffee and conversations about life and anything under the sun. Those people you’re afraid of are approaching you and telling you how they are excited and happy to meet you. Be specific to your visualization regarding their actions and what they are saying because the more you are specific with it, the more powerful it will be.
Visualizing your goals to be more social and having affirmation on it on a day to day basis, will bring you to achieving positive results.
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Have you ever wished that you could to talk to strangers or simply have a great conversation on a date? I’m going to reveal my ultimate two secrets for being an amazing conversationalist. My two secrets are being a great interviewer and the art of banter.
1. MAKE THE CONVERSATION ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.
The way to do this is to stop multitasking, BE PRESENT and listen with the intent to understand.
How do can you get motivated to engage people in a conversation? Realize that I’m about to learn a lot and understand that they probably know something you don’t or might give me great insight into something you’ve been looking for. Be curious about people, who they are, and what they know.
I used run wine tours and would spend 4-6 hours with people “tasting” quite a bit of wine. Let me tell you by the end of the tour I would come out fascinated because first many times they were very different from my initial impression of them and second by their knowledge and experiences. It was like reading a book times 10. Everyone has so much gold to share…all you have to do is have curiosity and listen.
Ask Questions and genuinely be interested. I’m sure you’ve been with someone that seemed boring etc. Most of the time it’s because the person is only talking about something THEY are interested in, about themselves, OR they just simply didn’t take the time to understand you first.
DON’T DO THAT. First, listen to be listened to. Remember, everyone’s favorite topic is themselves and well, their favorite topics. If anything, I’ll be giving a few tips on how to direct a conversation into something you are both interested in. And towards the end, I will be sharing some banter, and tips on being more witty, so that it doesn’t become a boring conversation of deep/serious topics.
A fun conversation has depth, insight, and humor…and in my opinion sexy banter. At the end of this video, I talk about how to have sexy banter….as well as how everything ties together into a work of art, ALMOST 😉
2. MOVE THE CONVERSATION TO A DEEPER LEVEL.
Use open-ended questions and talk about topics you are passionate about. For example, I’m into Lucid Dreaming, soccer, travel, etc., very passionate about it. So, if I see that they are genuinely interested in any of that I will go deep into that topic and connect through that, plus it will just be more fun than the typical small talk. So, know who you are and what you’re about and drive the conversation to that to see if you find commonalities in your passions.
Test for your values and what you are looking for. If you are just casually dating this might not be as important, but if you’re looking for something more, then test for your criteria. For example, for me I love a woman who is kind, humorous (sometimes it’s hard to find), driven and interested in personal development and travel.
So if they’re job, passions or what they talk about points to that then I’ll be more interested.
*Go with the flow. Let go of the need to say something or being distracted by a topic you wanted to talk about so you stop listening. Maybe you think of a clever question, comment or story…let it go and just go with the flow.
3. HAVE A CONFIDENT MINDSET.
Feel like you are the most interesting, and sexiest person ever. That is what will communicate in your energy, eyes and body language. Assume they will love you. Meet up just to have fun and be genuinely interested in learning about that person that is in front of you.
Sexy Banter & Sparking Attraction: Sprinkle this element don’t pour it on.
Playfully antagonize the person you are with. For example, you might tell them they have something on their face and make them clean it up. This is done with a solid face until you break it and let them know you’re joking. Things like that.
Double entendre or setting a sexual funny undertone.
This is all about delivery, finesse and practice. Notice words such as. Also, it’s about playfully accusing the other person that they are being a bit sexually mischievous.
Words you can misinterpret could be:
Slowly, quick or Fast (thrusting speed or length of sex)
Suck (blow job or cunnilingus)
Blow (blow job or cunnilingus)
Do it (sex)
Put it somewhere (sex or penetration)
Anything that can be misinterpreted I often ask: “Is that code?”
Meaning code for something sexual.
In a funny suspicious way.
Have a funny answer to all the common questions.
What do you do?
Where are you from?
Again, no need to overdo the sexy humor, but sprinkle it in. Also, you must not be looking for any type of response when it comes to this. When I banter in this way…many times I don’t even look at the person, I deliver the joke…Part of being witty and having great banter is using call-back humor…as you start saying jokes begin connecting them.
Move back and forth between funny, sexy and tension building banter to more serious questions and building a connection. If it’s too serious and nice then the attraction can be lost. If it’s too joky and tension driven then the other person may feel they don’t feel a connection or know you. Think push/pull or like a dance.
Conversation is an art that can be mastered. WHAT IS THE FASTEST WAY? Get the right mindset going on in your head and on your jokes, questions and body language will be aligned. Check out my free course on how to create the right mindset and boosting your confidence.
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