Are there deep emotions that you not aware of that are ruling your life? For example resentment, scarcity, fear, traumas, shame and so on, that you’re confidence and self-esteem is affected because of those emotions? You may have spent a lot of time and money just to get rid of these. Perhaps you are even doing affirmations and positive thinking and are wondering why it isn’t still working. The reason why is because although you are shifting your surface-level mindset, emotions, and beliefs, you are missing shifting the tectonic plates of your mind, the parts that carry your traumas and deep-seated emotions.
In the video below, I want to go over some of the top emotions to let go to conquer core self – confidence and self – esteem. This will shift not only how you feel, but raise your vibration, hence shifting how people and situations react to you. As you make it a daily practice for 30 or more days everyday surface level emotions won’t bother you as much.
Here are 7 things to let go of to build Confidence and Self – Esteem :
1. Let go of fear.
Fear can hold you back in living the life of your dreams. Fear feels uncomfortable, you are robbing yourself of the chance to experience the deep satisfaction which comes with listening to your heart and soul and creating a better life full of passion and purpose. Conquering this will enable you to face all other fears with another perspective and confidence.
2. Let go of guilt.
Release any guilt or self-hate you currently have. Many times you act out of not knowing the consequences of your actions or sometimes you act based on your current emotion which sometimes leads you to have regrets or guilt of the outcome. Forgive yourself for the things you have done to yourself and others. You can’t go back and change the past but you can change your future by not committing the same offense over and over again.
3. Let go of shame.
A part of the experience of shame is the fear of being found out and exposed. You want to run and hide and protect yourselves from exposure to other people’s judgment. Let go of any shame, insecurity you may have physically or about your personality, the shame of being not stable financially, shame of how you present yourself socially and so on. Anytime shame surfaces, there is an opportunity to experience a healing of the experiences and beliefs that have fed the shame.
4. Let go of loneliness and grief.
At times in your life, have you felt that you were all alone? This feeling describes the emotion of loneliness. Other words people use to describe loneliness include feeling empty, isolated, excluded or left out. You can feel lonely when you are physically alone and you can also feel it in the presence of others. Grief is the feeling of loss many times. When you are at your peak on this emotion, realize or think the abundance of love you have in your life at the moment and let go of any feeling of emptiness, loss, and regrets on the people that are no longer in your life because of a failed relationship. Accept and treasure the moments you spent together and appreciate the space that has opened up for new love to show up.
5. Let go of self-deception.
Self-Deception is rooted in your thinking, and visible in your activities. If you look at it in reverse what you do, or how you act is, in reality, is a product of your belief. If you have been deceived and are thinking wrong as a result of that deception, then you need to adjust, reset, and refocus areas of your thinking that have been subjected to deception. Replacing them with truth, and ultimately seeing the conformation in your actions. Embrace your truth on who you are and what you care about. Clear your inner vision through meditation and let go of the illusion that is in your thoughts. This will essentially boost your confidence as you realize your oneness with all, you have nothing to fear.
6. Let go of resentment.
This is something you need to do for your peace of mind and to improve your relationship with others. Don’t get stuck blaming others for your unhappiness. Even when others have done wrong, you’re called upon to examine your hearts and to respond to others in love. Any hate you have towards others will cripple your self-confidence. Forgive others it is the best gift you can give to yourself because when you forgive you are freeing yourself to not allow anyone or anything from the past to bind you in your current actions. Hurt people hurt others so, begin to develop empathy for them to heal that resentment.
7. Let go of desire and attachment.
The less emotionally attached you are to the outcome the more carefree and confident you will be. Learning how to move past the things that hold you back is an important step in reclaiming the life that has been designed just for you. What happened in the past doesn’t have to define who you are today.
Learning how to believe in yourself will open up endless possibilities in your life. At times you may find this difficult to do. The truth is that we’ve been conditioned throughout our lives to doubt ourselves. We must retrain ourselves to get rid of our fears and self-doubt to build self – confidence and self – esteem.
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Each of you has your own goals and dreams that you want to achieve and confidence has a great part in living without limits to become the person you want to be. Confidence is a conviction or a mindset that helps in managing family, work, social events, relationships, etc. It can be the difference between those who may fail or not try because they lack it, and those that have it who may succeed because of it regardless of their skills.
Having low confidence makes you demotivated to push on the things that need to be done because you are doubting yourself if you can do it. Your mind is battling with questions and doubt of whether you have the skills or not. Will I make it to the end? Is this the right choice or decision? Without confidence, goals, and dreams are not likely to be met.
Becoming your best requires determination, courage, and confidence in yourself. If you continue your journey of becoming the person you want to be, success is possible. Be motivated and take action because action brings results. Get out of your comfort zone, challenge yourself to still do things you are afraid of.
Recently Social Buddha Education hosted a Live LIMITLESS Seminar focused around confidence and courage. Guests learned to hack their mindset, create inner transformation and become limitless.
This seminar taught attendees to live a limitless life that not only makes them more effective but creates prosperity in every area of their life. They learned how to better achieve a state of alignment in whatever area of life their life they were focusing on. Check out the video below for a behind scenes look of the seminar and keep reading below for more tips on building confidence.
How to become the person you want to be :
1. Know your purpose.
Knowing your purpose is very important because it is your guide to accomplishing your goals and actions to be taken. Finding your purpose will make your experience having joy, peace, and fulfillment because you are happy and enjoying what you are doing. Explore the things you love to do and develop it. Check out Zen Habits’ article on confidence and pursuing your goals below.
As you fulfill or work on your goals, you will encounter challenges on the way. Challenging circumstancesare there to produce the person you want to become. It is not there to put you down but for you to learn, persevere and be prepared in accepting the blessing in the future out of all your hard work. Believe that something good is going to happen even in times of challenging situations. After you passed all that you’ve been through or when you are at the point wherein you are already living in your dream, looking back you will realize all that happened has a reason because it made you who you are at the moment.
3. Change the way you think.
Assess your thoughts on what direction is it leading you. Remove unhealthy thoughts and replace them with what is true, lovely, excellent and confidence in yourself. Be careful of what you feed in your mind because it is who you will become. If you improve the way you think, your whole life will improve too because your thoughts lead your attitudes and actions and shape who you are as a person. Our actions are a manifestation of our thoughts.
You are created with specific skills and capabilities. Don’t give up on yourself even if you failed before, go through past regrets or wrong decisions in the past. There are always second chances. Get up and focus again on knowing your purpose than work hard for it.
For more tips on how to improve your confidence join our email list below!
Belief is the psychological state in which an individual holds a proposition or premise to be true.
(c. ^ Schwitzgebel, Eric (2006), “Belief”, in Zalta, Edward, The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Stanford, CA: The Metaphysics Research Lab, retrieved 2008-09-19)
You believe something when you take a concept, a proposition as truth. Truth is a very individual concept. Think about something that you see as true without a doubt. Now why is what you are thinking true? Because you saw it, experienced it? Because then it is real?
“If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” Think again! Why is something true and why not? It is a DECISION. You decide if you believe something or not. You decide if it is true or not. That’s it.
You also decide if the opposite is false. If you think something is true then the opposite of this truth must be false. For example, if you think that all rich people are evil you discard everything that is contrary to this belief. The opposite – that all rich people are good people – becomes false.
Now, after making this decision you automatically begin to collect evidence for that particular belief. You start bending situations, filter information and tune your senses according to your beliefs. If you hold the truth that all rich people are evil, even when you meet a rich person who is a charitable, giving person you probably focus on the negative character traits of this person or you find another way to discard the objective fact that this person also has positive good qualities.
So imagine this: When you get programmed by society with beliefs that are not serving you but instead keep you under control and make you a good consumer, how on earth can you be successful and follow your dream? You are collecting any evidence you can find to hold on to those beliefs and every day you are exposed to words and images that cement this programming into your brain.
You discard every possibility that those beliefs are false because most of the time you’re not even aware of them, let alone this process of social brainwashing. You are asleep, a working drone, programmed to do nothing else than consume and be a good sheep in the masses. Interestingly enough basically every innovation was criticized at first, and the people who came up with new concepts and inventions were called crazy. I call them awake. They were the only ones that were living and not sleep walking.
Beliefs are very powerful. If you are following the self development world you probably heard a lot about changing beliefs and affirmations & visualizations. And as a matter of fact, it works. Affirmations work, no doubt about that because you are already using them. Affirmations in that sense are statements about yourself that you believe are true. For example, if you think you are a clumsy person, it is an affirmation. You hold this image of yourself as the absolute truth and even when you do things in a very elegant way you reject this evidence as false.
But often affirmations don’t work the way they’re taught in most of the self-help books out there. So why is that? You’ve been told to do affirmations like this: Stand in front of the mirror and say something like: I am successful etc. Now this could change your results and self image for a certain period of time BUT it will not be effortless and long term.
Why not? Because you have certain CORE beliefs that contradict those affirmations. For example, a core belief could be that all rich people are bad people.
Now if you want to be financially successful and you affirm to yourself that you have loads of money, in the back of your mind you are sabotaging yourself because you would then become a bad person. Your concept of the world is holding you back and destroying the chance of a lasting change. I figured out a three step process of changing your core beliefs. It can be very challenging because you have to challenge your ingrained world views, your understanding of reality and yourself. So if you are not ready for this I would suggest you stop reading now, because it can be a very challenging process and you have to be brutally honest with yourself.
Still reading?
Good! Let’s get started!
Identifying your Core Beliefs
The process is very easy and simple just like most things that work in life.
Now sit back and answer the following questions:
What part of your life is not working?
Got it?
Good!
What do you belief about …?
For example: What do you belief about money?
Now be honest and write EVERYTHING that comes to your mind!
Got it?
Excellent!
Now start with the first sentence you wrote down and ask yourself:
Why do you belief that?
Write your answer down! Then again ask yourself the question about the answer.
Why do you belief that?
Continue this process until you can’t find an answer anymore. The answer will probably be: Because I heard it in the media/learned it from my parents/because someone told me that!
Congratulations! Now you have your Core Belief.
I will go on to step 2 but I will show you in a later example how this process works in detail!
This is a step only a few people talk about but which is very crucial. You have to DOUBT your Core Beliefs first before you install a new one. Imagine you learned about affirmations and tried to change your belief about “the earth is flat”. Now until you absolutely believe that this statement is false you will never adopt the new belief “the earth is spherical”.
You have to change the way you look at things, you have to change your PARADIGM of thinking! Now I have some questions for you that will help you doubt your Paradigms/Core Beliefs about the world:
Is the Statement 100% true?
If it’s true, is this statement helpful?
What is this statement in service of?
How might my life be different if I didn’t hold on to this statement?
Write the answers to those questions down!
Now let’s go step deeper. In the previous chapters I talked a lot about the matrix so now ask yourself the following questions:
Why does someone want you to believe that?
Who is benefiting from you believing that?
When the answer is NOT YOU then you have a very problematic worldview. Let’s take the belief from above: “All rich people are bad people”. This doesn’t serve you at all. It helps installing an aversion against wealth and wealthy people. That way your behavior becomes predictable. You probably never will try to get very wealthy. You will keep complaining about the rich people and you will be a worker bee all your life.
On top of that you have other core beliefs that contradict with this one. For example: “Money makes people happy”. Now you got to conflicting beliefs that keep you drawn and averted towards wealth and money and keep you stuck, under control and predictable. This realization helps you to drop the belief instantly. You can see its falsehood and finally you can see the matrix and how it controls you. When you finally see how society constructed our world for us you can drop your illusions and stop looking at the dancing shadows. You are aware now and can start building your own truths and your own worldview that is not intended to control you.
Now you can change those Paradigms and here is how:
You identified your core beliefs and saw the falsehood of them. Now it is time to change them. You can do two things here:
Write down the opposite of the false core belief
Or write down a more useful belief
For example: “All rich people are evil”
Opposite: “All rich people are good and giving persons”
More useful: “Money enhances your unique personality”
I personally prefer the opposite but this is up to you!
Write down every negative/false core belief you have on a piece of paper and write down the reason why society wants you to belief that right next to it. I recommend you start with one area of your life and stick with that for 30 days. Now write down your empowering core belief on another paper!
Now you have to form a habit! EVERY DAY when you wake up and right before you go to bed you takes out the two sheets in front of the mirror. You start with the negative belief list and realize the falsehood of those beliefs and now you start telling yourself out LOUD:
The truth is….
Fact is….
Your empowering beliefs!
For example:
“All rich people are bad people”
Keeps you under control, predictable, a good consumer
The truth is: “All rich people are good people and help other people”
Now can you see how you are destroying your old negative programming and installing a new empowering one at the same time?
I hope so! The key is to do this consistently! You have to do this EVERY DAY! You have to convince yourself that the new Paradigm is the absolute truth and when you do I guarantee your world changes.
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer
Hope that helps!
Daniel
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